Wednesday, April 8, 2009
We So Heart the Matt Giraud!!!!
I had totally given up on American Idol since nobody I liked was ever crowned American Idol. Let's take Season One for example, I was all about that dude with the big hair Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson won. He now has a lucrative job at the TV Guide Channel. Then came Season two and I was a total Clay-Mate and The Velvet Teddy Bear won. Has anyone seen Ruben Studdard lately? Clay is starting to resemble wax and is appearing on America's Next Top Model tomorrow. On a side note I did go to a Kelly Clarkson/Clay Aiken concert it was pretty decent. The other seasons were a blur and melted into one giant cluster mess for me. Fantasia was horrible. Chris Daughtry should have won somewhere along the line. Taylor Hicks was/still is way creepy. I think country music could do without the likes of Kelly Pickler and Bucky Covington but whatever they did get a winner with Carrie Underwood (I'm personally not a fan but most like her). Pooler Abdul's wackiness was getting old and she was/really is starting to look like a tranny, Randy's comments were always the same-not everyone it pitchy Dog, and the lack of upper lip on Simon was making me ill. Ryan Seacrest, however, is hot and I could watch that sexy little man all day long. The bottom line is I hated the show and only tuned in this season because April told me about Matt Giraud. I think she also promised to watch Gossip Girl in return. She has yet to do this, but I digress. She said he was a little like Michael Buble (ahhhhh FABULOUS) so of course I was curious. I was totally hooked after hearing him. In fact when I missed his performance a couple of weeks back I called my BIFFL and listened to it over the phone. I am comfortable in my lack of social life/lameness to admit this. I even took 10 minutes out of my 90210 viewing to vote for him tonight, something I haven't done since my Clay/Wax fettish days. He rocked it tonight!!! Go Matty G!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Rules of Our Playground.
1. You will never ever try to sell candles, lotions, potions, or sex toys to your friends.
2. You will not make your friends have a "party" to sell aforementioned items to their friends.
3. You will not wear your maternity clothing a year after being pregnant
4. You will not buy friends for you or your children (joining a moms group). These women really tick me off, they think they own the park and if you aren't a member you and your child(ren) have cooties.
5. You will not lose your sense of style just because you are a mom. Stretchy clothes are fine for lounging around the house but going out in vomit covered t-shirts with stretched out necks and sweat pants is NOT acceptable. Crocs are also not acceptable.
6. You will not belong to a book club that reads Oprah's Book Club selections.
7. You will not complain how busy you are when you are the moron who has your child(ren) shoved into 15 different activities after school.
8. When some other mommy's child is having a meltdown you will not look at her like she is the worst mother ever. Like your precious beastie has NEVER EVER thrown a tantrum in public, please!
9. You do not need to feel badly if you don't have several different varieties of snacks in color coordinated Tupperware when out and about. Or if you don't have a bag of toys to occupy your beastie and you let him/her play with your keys, lipstick, or lighter. Hey whatever works.
10. You will not leave a giant disaster at a restaurant because it is "their job" to clean up the mess your child made.
11. It's okay if you let your child watch Spongebob Squarepants and tv in general.
12. You will not feel guilty if you feel done with your children at 7 p.m. or even 7 a.m.
13. It is totally ok if you don't scrapbook, sew, knit, bedazzle, draw, or even cook. God gave us each special talents and if these aren't any of them it doesn't make you a bad mommy.
14. You don't have to like all children just because you are a parent. Heck at times it is hard enough to like your own.
15. You are not a bad mommy if you don't have your super zoom trillion mega pixel camera handy for every breath your child takes. If you miss a Christmas family picture, or 3, it's ok too.
16. Being on several committees is not required. Don't get me wrong, volunteering is good but if it causes you to whine about being stretched too thin and being so busy/tired then it really isn't worth it. Plus, nobody want to hear your complaining.
17. You don't potty train, teach sign language, or pierce ears straight out of the womb.
18. You do not have matching hair accessories for every outfit and you don't make bows larger than your child's head. This is a very small form of child abuse.
19. You do not refer to yourself as a SAHM (in the real sense not our stranded at home mom version), your husband isn't a DH, and your daughter isn't a DD. However, your vocabulary does include DB (douchebag), SOB, and POS.
2. You will not make your friends have a "party" to sell aforementioned items to their friends.
3. You will not wear your maternity clothing a year after being pregnant
4. You will not buy friends for you or your children (joining a moms group). These women really tick me off, they think they own the park and if you aren't a member you and your child(ren) have cooties.
5. You will not lose your sense of style just because you are a mom. Stretchy clothes are fine for lounging around the house but going out in vomit covered t-shirts with stretched out necks and sweat pants is NOT acceptable. Crocs are also not acceptable.
6. You will not belong to a book club that reads Oprah's Book Club selections.
7. You will not complain how busy you are when you are the moron who has your child(ren) shoved into 15 different activities after school.
8. When some other mommy's child is having a meltdown you will not look at her like she is the worst mother ever. Like your precious beastie has NEVER EVER thrown a tantrum in public, please!
9. You do not need to feel badly if you don't have several different varieties of snacks in color coordinated Tupperware when out and about. Or if you don't have a bag of toys to occupy your beastie and you let him/her play with your keys, lipstick, or lighter. Hey whatever works.
10. You will not leave a giant disaster at a restaurant because it is "their job" to clean up the mess your child made.
11. It's okay if you let your child watch Spongebob Squarepants and tv in general.
12. You will not feel guilty if you feel done with your children at 7 p.m. or even 7 a.m.
13. It is totally ok if you don't scrapbook, sew, knit, bedazzle, draw, or even cook. God gave us each special talents and if these aren't any of them it doesn't make you a bad mommy.
14. You don't have to like all children just because you are a parent. Heck at times it is hard enough to like your own.
15. You are not a bad mommy if you don't have your super zoom trillion mega pixel camera handy for every breath your child takes. If you miss a Christmas family picture, or 3, it's ok too.
16. Being on several committees is not required. Don't get me wrong, volunteering is good but if it causes you to whine about being stretched too thin and being so busy/tired then it really isn't worth it. Plus, nobody want to hear your complaining.
17. You don't potty train, teach sign language, or pierce ears straight out of the womb.
18. You do not have matching hair accessories for every outfit and you don't make bows larger than your child's head. This is a very small form of child abuse.
19. You do not refer to yourself as a SAHM (in the real sense not our stranded at home mom version), your husband isn't a DH, and your daughter isn't a DD. However, your vocabulary does include DB (douchebag), SOB, and POS.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Celebrities We Would Take Pleasure in Slapping
1. Paula (Pooler according to Simon) Abdul
2. Richard Simmons
3. Vince the Sham Wow Dude- he hooks up with hookers eeeeeeeewwwwww!!!!!! This trait is only acceptable if your name is Windsor and your friend is Myron.
4. Billy Mays- Please stop screaming at us to buy your silly putty/life insurance/oxy clean. Is his beard sprayed on?????
5. Tyra Banks-Let's see how fierce she is when we slap her silly.
6. Nancy O'Dell- She just thinks she is so perfect...and orange.
7. Billy Bush-Not because he is realated to GWB just because he is annoying
8. David Caruso- Such an arrogant little man
9. Mario Lopez- We tried to leave the Douchebags off the list but we really want to smack this wanker.
10. Steve-O- Really dude you can get your balls set on fire but you get internal injuries ballroom dancing?
2. Richard Simmons
3. Vince the Sham Wow Dude- he hooks up with hookers eeeeeeeewwwwww!!!!!! This trait is only acceptable if your name is Windsor and your friend is Myron.
4. Billy Mays- Please stop screaming at us to buy your silly putty/life insurance/oxy clean. Is his beard sprayed on?????
5. Tyra Banks-Let's see how fierce she is when we slap her silly.
6. Nancy O'Dell- She just thinks she is so perfect...and orange.
7. Billy Bush-Not because he is realated to GWB just because he is annoying
8. David Caruso- Such an arrogant little man
9. Mario Lopez- We tried to leave the Douchebags off the list but we really want to smack this wanker.
10. Steve-O- Really dude you can get your balls set on fire but you get internal injuries ballroom dancing?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Long Lost
One week from today Myron and Win will be back in action in Harlan Coben's latest novel, Long Lost. If you have never heard of Myron and Win, then get off the computer and go to the bookstore and pick up Deal Breaker, the first in the series. Myron is a former basketball star turned sports agent and Win is his bestie who manages the financial needs of Myron's clients. They are kind of like us, but with crime solving abilities, a penchant for hookers (Win) and Yoo Hoo (Myron), and they have peens. Well I suppose they really are nothing like us but we absolutely adore the characters, all the twist and turns, and the pure enjoyment that every book provides. April will get to meet Harlan Coben in a couple of weeks, there will be pics to follow. Harlan will not be in Arizona so Jess is very jealous and will probably sit in the closet and cry.
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